Prologue: Act ii

I gasped and sat up from my deep slumber in a cold sweat. I felt like I had a horrible nightmare, yet couldn’t put my finger on what it was. It itched in the far back of my mind. What was it? I squinted and shielded my face as my eyes adjusted to the bright light that seemed to come from all sides.

As I began to fully wake up, I realized I was in a large room bustling with people. Almost everything from the floors and walls to even the detailed and seemingly hand-carved pillars were made of marble, the gold lining adding a breath-taking finish to it all. The walls were lined with beds like that of a hospital, yet were too comfy to be from one. Hell, these may be the softest mattresses I have ever sat on. Asides from that, everyone around looked healthy— maybe healthier than a newborn baby, in fact.

I began to wonder if I had to pay for any of this. The amber goblet sitting on the table beside me alone seemed twice the price of both my kidneys. Gulping down the lump in my throat, I slowly sat up, with the hope that no one would notice as I attempted to squeeze past the crowd and leave as soon as possible.

I tried to listen in, but I couldn’t understand jack shit, and I speak 2 and a quarter languages. Have I been kidnapped and dragged to another country?

The architecture is classy enough to seem antique, yet is so well preserved it’s like it was built yesterday. If a building as grand and populated as this were to exist, surely it would have been very well known?

The architecture is classy enough to seem antique, yet is so well preserved it’s like it was built yesterday. If a building as grand and populated as this were to exist, surely it would have been very well known?

All that observation and I still have no damn clue where I am. I’d ask someone, but I can't be sure if these people can even be trusted. I’m in a foreign country with none of my belongings and no idea where or why I'm here. There’s literally nothing more suspicious than that.

Besides, everyone looks so… weird? Myself and those around me are all clothed in strange articles. They’re all grand and classy and all, but I have literally no idea what fashion style that could even be called. There’s no way I’d go to the mall dressed like this, that’s for damn sure. Weirdest part isn’t even the outfits! Why the hell does everyone have these huge, fluffy wings of different shapes and sizes?? I’m even seeing some greedy motherfuckers with more than one pair.

I grimace in confusion and tut to myself. Isn’t this just tacky? What is this, angel expo? Boooring!! I think I’d rather go to hell.

Realization hits me as I finally notice how my back feels a bit heavier than it should be, but in a way that makes me simultaneously feel light as a feather. Which, clearly, makes no goddamn sense!

I look behind me and to my horror see that I, too, am in a cheap Halloween costume from fucking 2001.

I choke for a moment before regaining composure. I see a group of… employees? They head in my direction, and I quickly turn to face the window beside me to hide my face.

It’s stained and textured beautifully, forming a picture through geometric shapes. The resulting image showed a man sitting atop his throne, wielding a judicial hammer, pointing at what looked like a classic demon, the kind you’d see in storybooks. The demon had the symbol of spades carved into their back. The death card, from what I know.

Oh great, strange religious windows— is this a goddamn cult? Have I been recruited and put here unconsented? How is a building as large as this unfound, and how are they putting these tacky Halloween shop wings on us with no straps?

…The thought of being caught in a cult is oddly terrifying to me, actually. I feel a cold chill run down my spine, causing goosebumps to haunt my skin. I quickly rub them off.

I think of going into a small corner and attempting to remove these stupid oversized chicken wings, but I should probably save that for after I’ve escaped. Otherwise, I'd stand out like a sore thumb. I continue my search for an exit, roaming through countless hallways.

A long walk and some psychological damage later, I find and enter an indoor garden, where I witness someone flap their wings and fly up to the tallest tree to take an apple and sit on a branch before biting into the fruit. Everyone else passed by like it was nothing. I resisted the urge to scream curses.

…These tacky wings are real?

I took a step back. First, I wake up with no memory of how I got here nor how I fell asleep in the first place, and then I realize this may be a rich and powerful cult, and now I’ve seen someone fly with the free wings this cult seems to have put on everyone.

Oh! Okay! I see now. Just fucking dandy!

I take a deep breath and try to calm down before I start screaming and smashing shit.

Alright, let’s try to focus on other things.

The room is large and circular, with pillars and marble and gold detailing lining the smooth walls. The clear glass dome ceiling is extremely high, much higher than the rest of the rooms and hallways. Geometric figures were formed using gold lining on the glass, leaving the room in crystal-shaped light. I squinted from the sun glaring through it and caressing me and my surroundings in a bright warm light. Paired with the delicate breeze, I think I’ve started to calm down.

The area is filled with people, children frolicking in the grass and adults talking, laughter filling the air giving the room a relaxed atmosphere. Deciding I’ve regained my composure, I return to my thoughts. I should try to recall the events leading up to the moment I woke up, perhaps I'd find a hint somewhere there.

It’s blurry, but I recall seeing 2 strange statues... Ah! They resembled the characters in the window in the hallway! The Judge held the Ace of Hearts, whilst The Defendant held the Ace of Spades. I vaguely remember there being cloaked men around me, and I was unable to move for some reason. They burnt and switched the cards the statues held, then…

Ah.. That’s right.

I’m dead.

I froze at the memory of the axe coming down to my neck. A slight tinge of pain, pure fear, and most of all unmatched anger being my last memories. I subconsciously reached my hand up to my neck.

My blood began to boil. I want my revenge. They hurt me, they hurt those I love… I wish they were dead instead of me.

..Thinking about it, could me waking up here… Be his doing? I formed a fist, my knuckles going white and my hands shaking in a mix of fear and hatred.

I was so caught up in my memories I hadn't noticed that the man sitting in the tree earlier had flown down and put a hand on my shoulder, sending a jolt down my spine in shock and waking me from my inner monologue. I turned to him.

“Hey, you alright? You seemed shocked earlier and now you look like you're gonna strangle someone. Which is probably illegal.” He bit into his apple with a loud satisfying crunch. I ignored the jealous growl of my stomach, seemingly unnoticed by the man.

‘Probably.’ Yeah, no shit it’s fucking illegal, smartass. I thought to myself. “I’m okay, thanks.”

“Alright, that’s good. The name’s Dakarai, by the way!”

I don’t remember my name, I realized, and decided to make one up. I still can't afford to trust anyone here, anyway. Who knows if I even died? It could’ve been staged to brainwash me. Ooor maybe I require immediate admission to the psych ward for even considering that. Who knows? This could even be the very same cult that executed me, though, so I should remain cautious. I thought back to whatever text I could remember seeing, and then back to Dakarai’s name as my reference for my bullshit. “...Mevmentiia.”

“Mevmentiia… Must be derived from ‘memento,’ Latin for remember. Nice name.” Dakarai chuckles and takes a bite out of his apple. “A bit ironic seeing that you don’t remember your name, but good choice.” He continued, glancing at his snack and speaking with his mouth full.

My eyes widened in shock, sweat dripping down the back of my neck. “How did you…

“You don't look like a Mevmentiia.”

“...that’s it?”

“Yeah. And usually, that name is given for pill bottles you give to elders and other folks with memory problems here. Only works here, though. Funny how you just happen to have the same name as it, seeing that the stall that has stock of ‘em is right outside this room.”

God damn it, so that’s why the word sounded familiar! I sigh in defeat, utterly humiliated. Someone, please. Get me out of this conversation. Get out... That's right. I shouldn't be getting friendly with locals; I should be running.

“Oh. Uh… Funny. Haha. Sorry but, do you perhaps know what this place is? Or uh.. An exit, if that’s alright?” I forced a smile. I’m already talking to someone here, I may as well make him my informant. He must be of higher rank as well, seeing he has 4 wings instead of 2. His blond hair is brushed back in a wild yet classy way. A smaller pair of wings sprouted from the back of his head, covering his eyes, serving as some sort of blindfold… I won’t bother questioning how he’s able to see me, this situation is stressful enough as is.

“…Oh? Has no one come to see you or anything?” He tilts his head, staring (or at least, I think so) at me curiously as he takes another bite of his apple. He shifts his weight onto one leg, and I sense I’ll have to come up with something quick, so as to not look out of place. I can’t draw too much attention, especially when the person I’m talking to doesn’t seem to be a “patient” or regular member of any sort.

“Ah, someone did, I just want more information,” I say quickly. Sorry Dio, but I’m not genuinely sorry. I need to get out of here, and it matters not what you’d think of that. “Oh, okay. That’s fair.” He hummed and smiled at me. “You’re pretty interesting, kid.”

“Interesting? How?”

“Well for starters,” He flew up and onto a ledge behind me, sitting there with crossed legs. “You’re a pretty good liar for someone in heaven.” He chuckled and bit into his apple again, seemingly amused at my words and actions.

I froze. Is that a lie? He’s fucking with me. If I’m in heaven, then that means that guy, he… No. This could all be some sick joke for all I know, I should gather more information first before I conclude anything. “Heaven? So I really am dead?”

His eyebrows raised in slight surprise under his head wings. “So you ARE aware… That makes this new job of mine much easier, then. Heh.” His shoulders shook in laughter as he tossed the core of his apple into the bin near us. He scooted over a bit and patted his side, as though inviting me.

“Come sit next to me, I’ll tell you what I can.” I huffed, realizing I don’t even know if my wings are even functional. He understood what I was trying to say from my glare and giggled. “Just focus on your back and move up and down— No, no. That’s rolling your shoulders, Mev!” I groaned and picked the nearby trashcan up and angrily put it down with a loud thump in front of the ledge. I climbed up onto the ledge and sat down with a grunt. Dakarai laughed at my actions, and I merely scoffed.

He began to tell me about how this is the afterlife now, that this entire facility is actually the receiving area for the newcomers, the dead. Here, everyone relaxes and slowly let go of their past lives so they can eventually move on to the next life. Apparently, my guardian angel was supposed to come to see me and basically become my therapist for the rest of my ‘Ecli’ here. (Apparently, instead of years, they calculate time by Total Eclipses or otherwise known as Ecli. This means if it has been 25 human years, that’s equivalent to 10 Ecli.) This ‘guardian’ of mine will also show me where I’ll be staying.

“So, Mevy. What do you think of all this? Give me your wise insight on this!” I opened my mouth to speak. “Unfiltered, if you would do so kindly.”

“Well, Dakarai…” I rested my head on one fist and feigned a shocked expression, my eyes now open to the world around me. “You really want to know what I think? Really?” Breathe in, and think of all the words you can think of to describe your amazement in this revelation. This beautiful explanation of the truth of life.

“This is bullshit.”

He huffed out a laugh and looked away. “Really. Of all things you could make up? You sound like a flyer advertising to have people join your bible study group. I’m sorry, but what the fuck are you even talking about? Free therapy and medication, in this economy? You’re fucking shameless. I hope that blindfold makes you and your hoax walk into a wall.”

He collected himself with a giggle. “Okay, okay. Sorry, I’m not exactly the best at explanations. Maybe I should show you around or find the angel assigned to you first, or something. Maybe then you’d believe me.”

At that moment, someone walks through the door and looks at me with a sigh, running her hands through her grey and blue hair. “There you are..!!” She flew up to me, glaring at me. I instinctually back up on the ledge. “Who’s the angry white chic?” He stifled a laugh and looked away when the girl looked at him with a huff.

“Did you bring him here, Dakarai?!”
“No, no. I just saw him walk in looking all confused and angry and decided to talk to ‘em. Gotta say, been pretty fun so far!”

The girl huffed. “Uh-huh. I’ve been looking for him for the past half hour. Where exactly have you been?”

“Woah, calm down, Elvira. He just woke up—“

“Yeah, just woke up and decided to sneak out and down 3 floors!”
“Okay, okay. I know you’re mad. And he’s confused. He doesn’t seem to be the trusting type.” He pushed me back into my seat as I tried to leave. I clicked my tongue in annoyance.

“Not the trusting type? Well, explain the fact he’s sitting right next to you all buddy-buddy!”
“Well, he lied to me like, maybe over 7 times in a row. I lost count.”
“Oh.” She pushed me back into my seat too. I let out a loud groan in frustration. How will I escape this bothersome situation I’ve gotten myself into now? Just great… But.. just maybe…

“Why do you keep trying to leave?!” I scoffed.

“Oh, I don’t know, I don’t remember my name and I’m in a strange, possibly foreign place. The last time this happened, I fucking died. What the hell do you want me to do? Throw a party? Hip hip hooray, I’ve been kidnapped and taken to god damn party city! What weird-ass wings am I gonna wake up to, next? Find out tomorrow, but that’s if you survive the first shitshow!”

She shook her head and sighed. “...Fine, that’s fair. You can stop the sarcasm now! Here, I have your file… Your name’s Revanche Villaroman, and at least you already know you’re dead.” My eyes widened at the sudden new information. Files…data! That’s it!

“Come with me, I’ll show you around and prove this place isn’t dangerous.” She reached to take my hand. I flinched at the sudden contact and pulled my hand out of her grip. “...Is my friend here?” I asked hesitantly. I still don’t know if I should trust these people, but this is the best I can do. “He died before me… And can I see my file? I still don’t remember much.”

Elvira’s eyes widened as she handed me the elegantly decorated file she had carried under her arm. “Ah, alright then.. What’s his name? I can try to ask around.” I opened the file and flipped through it, Dakarai peeking over my shoulder in curiosity.

I remembered my story. I was just some reckless high schooler who ended up getting killed by a cult that kept referring to me as their God, the ‘Ace of Spades.’ And that little shit Nathaniel… He killed my friend, his brother. And he was directly associated with my death, too.

“..Schmunzeln Nikolas Altschuller. He was supposed to turn 16 that year. I hardly remember when exactly he died, but it must’ve been… At most, 3 months before me. Possibly on or after February 17 that year?” I sighed, trying to keep myself together.

Dakarai sighed. “You were both so young… A tragedy.” Elvira hummed. “Let’s get you registered first, then after you rest a bit, we can go check the archives tomorrow, alright?”

I looked up at her, a familiar yet somehow stronger feeling inside me arose and became a spark of spite that could easily be fanned into an inferno. Why should I have to listen to someone I can’t even trust? So what if they have my file! “Why do I have to wait till tomorrow? I don’t even know if he’s okay or not!” Elvira groaned and facepalmed. “You’re in heaven, sweetie. He’s not going anywhere.”

Dakarai laughed. “He’ll be fine, I’m sure of it. Just wait, maybe you’ll even see him while walking around?” I bit my lip. Regardless of what they can say to reassure me, nothing will ease my worries.

After all, I don’t think I even belong here in the first place.

“Come on, if you’re in that bad of a hurry, we may as well leave now. If you stop running all over the place, maybe we’ll even be able to go check the archives within the day… Brat.” Elvira mumbled the last part under her breath, not knowing it was still within my hearing. I huffed. Get a load of this ‘guardian angel’ here.

“..Fine.” I climbed off the ledge and stepped down from the trash bin. Dakarai hummed in amusement and flew off, landing on his feet with his arms behind his back. Elvira gracefully descended.

“Well, I’ll be taking my leave now, Elvira! Hope I can leave Mevmentiia in your hands.” Elvira looked confused for a moment, and Dakarai continued, smiling in amusement.

“Oops, I meant Revanche.” She nodded, deciding to just ignore the sudden mention of medicine. “But of course.”

With that, Dakarai took off. I felt something cold clasp around my arm and brought it up to see it. I winced as the light bounced off the dangling chain and into my eyes, a surge of panic flaring before quickly changing back into that small flame from earlier. “Did you just fuckin’ cuff me?”

Elvira shrugged. “I can already tell you’re a stubborn one.” I scoffed and looked away. “How dare you act like you know me. Where else would I have gone?” I bluffed, thinking: Fuck!!> Just as I was planning my escape to look for Kotsu!

“Well, let’s get to know each other well, then. Shall we?” She smiled at me with a bit of irritation in her expression as she locked her end of the cuff around her own wrist with a click.

Before I could even think of an answer, her awe-striking wings spread out and she took off, leaving my poor soul to shriek as the chain pulled me upwards with her.

“ARE YOU FUCKING DERANGED?!” I shouted at the top of my lungs. The wind was cold as we flew, higher and higher, until we reached the glass dome ceiling. I braced for impact, yet it never came. There wasn’t any glass, after all. The ‘glass dome’ was actually just some sort of decorative frame.

I looked down, gasping in shock at the sight of a beautiful town shining in the golden light. Children— angels, were frolicking in the gardens. Leaves from beautiful trees I’ve never seen before flew around with the wind. The water glistened under the sun, fluffy animals of all sorts coming to drink and bathe in it.

It was all a breath-taking sight. It makes me wonder if I deserve to even see all this…

No. I can’t think like that. Anything and everything can easily be as artificial as that boy who greeted me the day after Kotsu…

These thoughts haunted the back of my mind, yet I couldn’t stop myself from gawking at such a view.

Elvira hummed in satisfaction at my expression, and before I knew it, we had landed on what appeared to be a floating island, rogue rocks floating around the edges. I looked up to see a grand building, people bustling in and out of its large marble entrance. Similar to the last, this building was decorated with fine, geometric detailing, pillars, and gold lining.

I heard Elvira suppress a giggle and looked at her. “A bit of the light in your eyes has returned.” I hummed a bit in shock, processing what she meant. I scoffed and looked away. “Mind telling me what you meant by registering me?”

She nodded and tugged on the chain chain, beckoning me to walk. I had no choice but to begrudgingly follow. Thanks for waking me up to reality, asshole. And here I thought I was in heaven… (I’m not believing jack shit!) “Your arrival. Your death’s already been expected, we just have to confirm your arrival here in the afterlife.”

We entered the heavily crowded building, and I became more confused than ever at the sight. Right in front of us was what seemed to be a lobby, long couches in C shapes were sat on by groups of people conversing. Beyond the lobby were two staircases, a beautiful fountain in the center of the two. What puzzled me of course, wasn’t the architecture, but the people.

Some had no mouths; others had no heads. Some had animalistic features such as hind legs, some had more than one pair of arms. Others hardly looked humanoid at all. One guy was quite literally speaking to a candle that was actually laughing back at his jokes, and the animals in the area were actively conversing in English. Doves flew around above us, carrying bags twice their size filled with letters.

Elvira looked at me and laughed at my perplexed expression. “Ah, right. The building we were in earlier was where we welcome spirits who had just arrived, so angels there take on a… Less intimidating form, in order to not scare them. Death isn’t exactly something one can just shrug off, so we have to make sure they have a more relaxing wake.”

“Wake?” I asked. So much for relaxing. Are they implying I’m gonna have a funeral in the afterlife? Or is this really just some cult as I thought and I’m gonna really fucking die?

“In the mortal realm, a wake is the celebration in memory of a loved one who had just passed, correct? Here, it’s the moment you enter the afterlife. The moment you ‘wake up’ and find yourself here.” I’m judging whoever decided on that term.

“That’s incredibly suspicious but whatever you say.” She sighed.
“Let’s just go.”

We walked up the stairs and met a large hallway with a counter, like a help desk of some sort right beside the entrance. Elvira tugged the chain and I blew some hair out of my face in annoyance as I’m forced to walk with her towards the help desk.

The person behind it turns towards us, and at first, I thought their head was just a large golden ball; until their single eye opened. Their body was made up of golden spirals and miscellaneous shapes, all floating in mid-air. The eye closed in an n shape, like one would when smiling, and they clasped their triangular, golden hands together.

They let out a hum as they spoke, “Oh, Elvira! It’s been too long!”
Elvira smiled back. “Annie!”

“So, I’m guessing you need this kid here registered?” she nodded, and Annie ‘smiled’ and stood up. “Come on, sweetie.”

I cringed a bit at the name, and Elvira quickly tugged me along again. She walked around the.

“What about your position?” Annie shook her head at Elvira, waving it off. “It’s fine! You haven’t had an assignment in ages, I want to be able to help you myself. Miro, can you fill in for me for a while?”

A dove sitting on her desk nodded then flew from the shelf and landed on the typewriter Annie was previously working on, clicking the keys with its small legs. “Of course, go on ahead.”

As we followed her down the hall, I whispered to Elvira. “So uh, am I gonna get any hints as to what the hell we’re doing?”

“Oh, fine. That’s Anniscia Videom. She’s a good friend of mine and works here as… I guess you can think of it as a nurse who is also a help desk?” I blinked at her then sighed, shaking my head.

“What? Oh. Well, It’s basically just a check-up. I’ll be a bit busy checking through your documents while she works though, so I’m hoping you won’t be biting any fingers.” I nodded, relieved at finally getting a proper answer.

“Alright, come sit.” I looked up to find Annie had turned into a pretty woman with blonde hair, her hair braided into a clean bun. It took me a moment to register it was her, and I hesitantly sat in the seat she had pulled out for me.

She sat behind the desk, pulling out a small bag of strange instruments. As she looked through the drawers and her bag for her things, I took my chance to look around. The room was like a small clinic or office, but the walls were covered in drawers, stretching far and beyond, till the ceiling wasn’t even visible. She handed Elvira a pen and a small folder of documents.

Annie hummed then walked around the desk to check on me, running a regular check-up, except with a few strange turns; They made sure I didn’t have a heartbeat and had me spit in a weird cup of fizzy blue liquid that quickly turned light yellow, which I’m hoping was a good thing.

“We’re almost done, dear. Do you feel okay?”
“I’m questioning why my spit made whatever that was turned into piss, but I guess I’m okay.”

She smiled. “It’s just to check that there’s nothing strange going on with your memories or your form here in the afterlife, don’t be afraid.” She took an empty syringe. “Okay, I’m gonna need some of your blood now, okay?” I froze, flinching my hand away.

Elvira turned to look at me and seemed like she was gonna nag me again until she saw my expression. “Revanche? Is something wrong?”

Flashes of Nathaniel’s face invaded my mind, and I instinctually curled up in my seat, backing away as much as I could. No matter how many times I blinked, I couldn’t seem to shake off the way the world was spinning, or how I was beginning to see Nathaniel’s cheeky yet malicious grin gazing down at me instead of Annie. I squeezed my eyes shut, yet I could still see him. Hyperventilating, I gripped my hair.

I woke up panting in a cold sweat in the clinic. Elvira looked at me with wide, concerned eyes. “Finally awake, are you? Are you feeling better now? You.. kept repeating the words ‘get away from me’ and even pushed Annie, but it didn’t seem like you were looking directly at us either… Sorry if we startled you.”

I sighed and gulped, looking down at my shaking hands. All my fingertips felt was cold. I didn’t bother to make eye contact as I spoke in a low voice.

“...What do you need my blood for?”

Annie shook her head. “It can wait a while if it makes you so nervous. If it’s okay, however, can you check through these documents and make sure they’re right?”

She handed me a folder and I quickly opened it. It was basically just a very quick rundown of my entire life. Except… “Uh, I’m 16?”

Annie blinked then took the folder from me, furrowing her brows. “Wait, yeah...That’s…. That can’t be right.” She looked up at me in concern and confusion and flipped through. “But you’re definitely dead… Yet it says it right here. You were supposed to die at 23… How did you die? Was it a gunshot? Or is that also incorrect?”

I paused for a moment, thinking about how I should answer. I suppose it’d do no harm. “Decapitation.”

Annie covered her mouth and winced. “Oogh..! I’m-I’m so sorry.” I let out a breath. “Well, my head’s back on, though.” I rubbed my neck.

Elvira thought for a moment, cringing at my statement. “So he died in a different way and much earlier than was supposed to be… I’ve heard of people dying later than fated, but how can this be?” Annie bit her lip.

“I’m not too sure, myself... I’ll have to check this in. How uh, how exactly were you decapitated…?” She gritted her teeth and held her clipboard close. For some angels that meet all kinds of dead people, they’re surprisingly not very numb to this sort of thing.

I looked away, not wanting to remember too far. I curled myself back into a ball, a form I’ve found myself very accustomed to and ran a hand through my hair. “..An axe.”

“Murder?” Elvira asked.
“I suppose that’s what you call it.”

Annie let out a long sigh and pursed her lips. “Well, I’ll have to report this inconsistency... You can just go home for now.”

I looked up, shocked and a bit confused at the term I hadn't heard in what felt like years. “Home…?”

She nodded and smiled brightly. “Where else would you stay, silly?” I looked down, thinking. “What time is it?” Elvira looked at an elegant clock on the wall. “6:53 in the evening.”

I huffed, whispering curses under my breath. “Can we still look for my friend?”
“Huh? I understand you’re worried, but isn’t it a bit late? And—”
“I don’t see why we can’t.”
“But you literally just passed out? Rest first-”

“Don’t you wanna keep your promise, Elvira? I’m just a poor, poor young kid who just fucking died, and so did my friend! Oh woe is me, how unfortunate and sad I am, even post-mortem!”
She groaned. “Ugh, fine, fine! Stop whining! I’m not carrying you if you pass out again, though. And watch that vulgar mouth of yours!”
“Whoops.”

We said our regards to Annie and exited the office to find the sun beginning to set in the horizon. Elvira noticed the light in my eyes had left once more, leaving its broken, beaten, damned residue, and she frowned at this. I know what she’s thinking, I might know what’s happening, but it isn’t important to me. Not right now. My hand feels emptier than ever as Elvira takes me to the records hall. My arm around her shoulders as we fly, she stares at dull black eyes with concern but doesn’t say anything.

Dusk became night by the time we arrived there, and we walked through the doors. I tapped my foot and looked around impatiently as she spoke to the personnel. The lights were off, showing that the place is closed for the evening, so Elvira was doing her best to persuade them to let us go through the files here.

The place was designed like it was some sort of city hall. I sighed, closed my eyes and looked at my hands. For a moment, I saw red all over, and shook my head. It’s gone. With gritted teeth, I crossed my arms in silence.

Elvira looked at me in worry. “Alright, they say we can go in for a while. We have to be quick, though.” I quickly nodded and put my hands in my pockets, walking forward.. These clothes are from… I want to get changed later. I don’t want this filth on me anymore.

One of the guards— I guess is what I could call them— guided us to the filing room and pushed the doors open. A labyrinth-like library awaited on the other side, and I stood in awe. Please tell me it won’t be too hard of a find. Most of the file covers were either pale yellow or white, while a few others were black or blue.

“Alright.. What was their name again?”
“..Schmunzeln Nikolas Altschuller.”

She nodded, and the guard led us to the A section. They gave us a quick run-through of how long we’re allowed to be here and where the A section ends. I immediately pushed the ladder on wheels and climbed onto it, riding it back to the shelf, and began searching. Elvira shook her head.

“You really shouldn’t push yourself too much.”

I didn’t reply, continuing to scan through the files. “H, I, J, K…”

Elvira flew near enough to me so that the chain doesn’t bother us, and searched as well. “..I can tell you’re worried, and I’m sorry that you lost him, but… I’m starting to get concerned, myself. I mean, you’ve been so worked up since this morning! The amount of times you’ve seemed to want to escape to look for him.. If I hadn’t brought this chain the moment I saw you were missing from your bed it would’ve been insufferable.”

“L, M, N, O, P… Q..” I pulled along the side of the shelf carefully, pulling the ladder along as I scanned through names and letters.

Elvira continued, but it’s all white noise to me now. “And.. I want to help you. You’re an absolute brat and you can get so irritating, but I can tell you’re suffering. You can’t even trust anyone, and I want to know why.”

“R.. S! Where’s N here..” I mumbled to myself.
“I know we just met, but can’t you trust me enough to see me as a friend?”
“L, M… There you fucking are!”

“Yes! Y- God fucking dammit, this is Schamuelle Niklas. Who the..”
“..Revanche?”
“S, Nich.. Nick…. Nikolai… God fucking damn you, Kotsu!”
“Revanche.”
“Shit, why does your stupid name have to be so commonish! I hate you, piece of shit!”
“REVANCHE!”

I jolted and turned around to see the angriest face the hag has had on all day. Holy fuck. “Uh.. Did I miss something?”

She clicked her tongue and pinched the bridge of her nose. “You didn’t listen to a single word I said, did you?” I blinked. Oh. So that was the buzzing in my ear earlier. “Uh… Your last word was Revanche?” She groaned.

“I was asking why you want to look for him so bad. You really should relax more. You’re dead, for fuck’s sake!”
“…Wow, you swore.” She slapped a hand over her mouth, ears pink. I snorted and looked back at the files. She groaned and moved a little closer to look at the files too.

I froze. She furrowed her brows, and flipped through, trying to check that nothing got stuck in between. “..What? No, that can’t… Revanche?” I gulped, cold sweat starting to form and drip down the back of my neck. Trembling, I slowly turned towards her. “..What happens if their name isn’t here?”

Elvira covered her mouth and put a hand on my shoulder. “No, don’t think of that now— Maybe they took his second name instead and he’s in the N area here? C-come on!” I calmed my breathing. “...Fuck, that has to be it.”

We moved back to the N area of the A section. I can’t get rid of the lump in my throat as I frantically search with shaking hands. I even opened and quickly closed some of the files, the letters beginning to merge together.

Elvira searched alongside me; anxiety clearly written all over her. “Have you found him?” I shook my head. There were even some people with similar or even the same second and last name as him, but even upon checking through their files… It’s not Kotsu.

“I’m sorry, but we really have to close up now, so you’re going to have to leave. I hope you found what you’re looking for.” The guard called us. Elvira looked at me, and I merely reached out to the blank space his file should be in.

“Revanche.. Come on.” She carried me off the ladder and set me back on my feet on the floor, and I wobbled for a moment. I regained my balance and she put a hand on my back, pushing me along.

We left the building and as I heard the lock of the door behind us click, I asked one more time. “..What does it mean when the file isn’t here?”

Elvira bit her lip. “..The files here are of registered people, so maybe he just hasn’t been registered yet—”

I turned towards her. “Then what does it mean if he’s not here at all?” She didn’t meet my eyes, looking around nervously.

“..Usually, before they’re even registered, there’s always a placeholder file stating their fate. Those are the blue books. Yellow is when they’ve already moved on to the next life.. White is when they’re here currently, and black is when that person has been exiled to the void, though that hasn’t happened in hundreds of Ecli.”

She fiddled with her hands as she continued. “N-now, don’t take this too hard, maybe his record has just been, I-I don’t know! Borrowed?? But.. When the file isn’t here.. It can mean… They’re not going to heaven.”

Just as I thought. A ringing noise sounded in my ears along with malicious laughter.

I’ve taken his place, just as they wanted.
I fell to my knees and heard a distant cry for help.

I feel so weak. It’s like I’m back there all over again, and I can almost feel cold steel around my foot. Opening my eyes, I looked down and felt around my ankle, only to realize it was just my imagination. Strangely, instead of scars from the metal that was once around my leg, wings and roses were seen on my skin. Running my fingers over it, I realized it was some kind of tattoo. Still shaken from my nightmare, I wake myself up a bit more.

I was in a large room with a bed softer than clouds. Golden sunlight shone through the white curtains, welcoming the soft breeze into the room. I let out a breath and laid back down, glad to know that I’m not locked up this time.

At that moment, I remembered what had happened before I fainted. Elvira must’ve brought me here. If what she said is true, then… I shook off the thought, curling into a ball from the strange ache in my chest.

Nathaniel wouldn’t shut up. He kept saying that switching the places of the Ace of Spades and the Ace of Hearts in the afterlife would lead the cursed to salvation. I didn’t believe that, and I don’t, but… I don’t believe Kotsu belongs in hell, either.

The door opened at that moment, and Elvira sighed in relief when we made eye contact. She was in more casual clothes now, holding a tray with an ice pack and some snacks. “Oh, thank God. You’re awake.” I looked away for a moment, thinking before asking.

“Where are we?”
“Annie mentioned a home earlier, didn’t she?” I nodded.

So, I guess this is my new house. She put the tray on the bedside table and put a hand on my forehead. I blinked a couple of times, not knowing how to respond to what a strange situation this is. “What? Why are you staring at me?” Elvira asked, confused. “Are you checking my temperature?”

“Well, yeah! You were burning up earlier.”

I scoffed in amusement and pushed her away. “Hard to believe that I have a fever but no heartbeat. What’s next? Paracetamol?”

She huffed. “While it is true that the dead can’t get sick, it’s your soul that’s hurt.”
I pushed her hand off and shook my head with a sigh. “Oh, whatever.”

“Was he… special to you?” My mouth opened, as though wanting to say something— or perhaps everything all at once, but in the end, it couldn’t find the words and closed again. A coward, finely woven with the threads of hurt. She hummed and turned away, sighing again. The room was silent. I looked out the window at a world not belonging to me.

Something cold and hard hit my head. “Aray!” I yelped, rubbing the spot. Looking around, I found Elvira smirking, holding an ice pack to my head.

“Asshole! You’re hurting my soul! Some guardian you are..!” She let out a laugh through her nose and patted my back before turning away. “If it left a bruise, at least you already have the ice pack.” I pressed my lips into a thin line, glaring at her and whispering curses. Bitch. Now I don’t even remember what I was thinking about just now.

…Was that her plan? I pouted and shook it off.
..
..
..
..
God damn it. Now it’s making me think. I curled up, crossing my arms over my knees. “..You kinda remind me of my aunt.” She hummed, turning around.

“How so?” I didn’t care to answer and just stared outside the window. She shrugged.

“Annie said you can just have your blood sampled when you’re comfortable.. We don’t have to get it done today, so for now, is there somewhere you want to go?” I paused, wondering if there was. But the only thing I can think about is the past. She sighed at my lack of an answer. “Alright. I understand if you need time to think. If you need me, I’ll be downstairs.”

I heard the door click shut, and I was alone once more.

I’ve spent a few ‘Ecli’ in heaven trying to get over everything. From the words Nathaniel said, to aunt Meghan's nagging, Mike’s cheekiness, all the way to how Kotsu would grin after a good prank… No matter what I did, it seemed impossible. I still remember it, possibly more vividly than I had when I was alive. Sometimes, I’d even find myself believing I’m still there, caught like a fly in a web of memories.

“You don’t have to forget everything all at once, you know? But don’t let it bother you forever, either.” Elvira has to remind me a lot. She got a lot nicer over time, but will still randomly get so mean and naggy.

I decided… That if I can’t even do this, I’ll never be able to come to terms with the rest of the load. Elvira glanced at me nervously as we walked up the steps. I haven’t been here in so long. “Are you sure about this?” I nodded. In the past half an Ecli or whatever they use to record the infinite sands of time here, I had grown close to Elvira and Dakarai, and they were soon practically like parents. A very foreign yet familiar feeling.

I still won’t give up on looking for Kotsu, but I don’t want to lose myself either. “Yeah, jeez. You’ve been asking that same thing since yesterday.” She scoffed. “Not my fault! And who’s the little bitch who suddenly brought it up out of nowhere?!” Whoops. Forgot to mention, I’m a horrible influence to her.

…But they’ve been great to me if I had to be honest. I’d never admit it out loud of course, even if you throw my own decapitated head at me like a baseball, but.. Turns out therapy really is free up here and Dakarai isn’t a compulsive liar, go figure.

As time passed, the strange flashes I’d get now and then lessened, and my night terrors became less frequent and much milder, and now it’s so rare that they’re surprised when it happens. But when they do, I can’t even hear the words Nathaniel says, like he’s underwater. Hope he fucking drowns with his stupid ambitions.

I know for a fact now that everything he ever said isn’t and never will be true, but… I still don’t agree with Kotsu not going to heaven. It doesn’t feel right, and every time I think about it, it’s like a horrible sense of guilt takes over. But what can I do? From the bottom of my heart, I really wish I knew.

Despite all that, for the first time in what’s felt like decades, I can finally get up in the morning without having to force myself. I don’t drag my feet when I walk anymore, and I don’t shut myself in my room when everything feels like it’s moving too fast. Actually, no, scratch that. I, uh, still hide in my room, but only on occasion!

I miss him, I miss them all, I miss my old life; Yes, even Dominik and his group chasing us around after we pissed them off somehow. I still can’t accept that I can never go back there, but I can at least accept the people I’ve met here.

Nikolas, if you’re out there somewhere, know this; I’m gonna find your fucking ass, and I’m gonna beat the shit out of you for leaving me all alone back there. Xoxo, Van.

I shook my head. “Just go talk to the blonde ball for me already, I forgot her name.” Elvira groaned. “It’s Annie. God, you haven’t changed in the fucking slightest! I hope you become a bug in the next life, brat!” Better than changing too much. I think I was a lot worse before my life went downhill and my soul, uphill. A very steep hill. And who’s the one swearing now, huh?

After about an hour of Elvira and Annie catching up like they always do when they pass by each other, I was finally let into the clinic again. Goosebumps form on my skin at the idea of taking blood, but if it’s only a little, then I suppose it’s alright.

“What’s the whole blood thing for, again?” I said, rubbing my hand after a fuck ton of blood had been sucked out. And by that, I mean half a syringe full. Still hurts like shit, though. Why do they have to get the blood from my nailbed, of all places? Ow! Then again, could’ve been worse.

“Well, you see…” Annie sighed, her more humanoid form showing as she tucks some hair behind her ear and runs the blood down into a small test tube. “Over 50,000 Ecli ago, around the time gods were first arising, there were four kingdoms.”

She shook the blood around in the test tube under a light to inspect it. I furrowed my eyebrows, wondering why this seemed familiar. “One day, out of jealousy, a long since dead god arose and punished them all. He struck down the four kingdoms. Most of the royalty went insane or died, and most of the people of the Kingdom of Time were said to have been cursed and became lost souls, shadows of the great spirits they once were.”

An ache formed at the back of my head, as though something was pulsing, trying to break free.

“Those lost souls became the first grim reapers.”
Elvira nodded curiously. “Ah, I knew about that old god being jealous and killing them, but I didn’t know they were the start of the grim reapers!”

Annie smiled. “It’s not well known, which is probably why, but it’s definitely a fact. That’s how they began to symbolize death, after all.”

Symbol.. Of death? Where have I heard all this before?

“But to get to the point, the heirs of each royal family were the ones who were struck the most. The heir of the Kingdom of Time,”

She paused for a moment as she put the test tube in a large, complicated processor, technology truly beyond what I was used to in the mortal world. She set the timer and continued.

“And the heir of the Kingdom of Truth were said to be in love, which is why the god was so jealous; they had feelings for the latter’s heir, and wanted them for themself. Each heir was cursed, but the curse given to the heir of the Kingdom of Time made his entire being completely toxic. A drop of his blood is enough to kill, and in the mortal realm, it can start a plague, or drive people into madness and warfare. They’re cursed to always go to hell like all the other heirs except Truth, but we always have to be careful.”